Why am I loving this guy?
There is nothing about his appearance or his sense of humor or whatnot, it is just matter of heart that attracts me to liking him, and fall in love with him, so I can say that he's so special in the other way? hehe. He is so romantic but he's not. He is so fierce but he is not. You know what I mean? His working schedule is tearing us up! Sometimes, I cannot bear with it, I've been holding this for so long, five months are a fucking long time for me. And we barely talk to each other, he is so busy that he sometimes said it's okay to be like this i mean like not contacting..... You know I cannot?
"Sometimes I feel like giving up, don't make me give up"
"You wanna give up? sounds like you're threatening me?"
"What do you mean? Who is threatening you?"
"You. You know, I got that a lot. I'm used to it. Don't say that you're giving up on me, it sounds like you're threatening me, i don't care. If you wanna give up on me, make me feel like I've given up on you too."
He went on talking until he got on the bed, laying down without even waiting for me to speak he said he wanted go to sleep. I understand because it's already late, he has wake up early in morning tomorrow. So if I had a chance I'd be saying this--
"I don't! and i'm not trying threaten you up with this, i'm talking the truth. Don't let me feel I'm not needed. You wanted me to stay loyal to you by you doing nothing in keeping me up. I'm tired. I have feelings too. It have been 5 months we did not meet what do you think i'm feeling? it crashed me inside. I'm hurting, day by day..... I have forgotten the way you smiled at me, that feel when you hold my hands.... I don't know how to act in front of you, and all you can say that i'm threatening you? I don't. I love you, why would I threaten you up? I just want you to feel what I'm feeling.... to understand me, like how I did. This is not the kind of relationship I've been dreaming... I will follow you the way want it, but just so you know it is not from my heart, so it will filled by hatred and anger. It will stay on like until you melt it down. I don't know how you're gonna do it. You just do if you want me. Till then, Assalamualaikum.